LET ALL THE HORNS SOUND, KIDS...I AIN'T DONE YET
Subtitled: The Relative Merits Of Tape....
Alright , Davey, ya made me do it. Tape. Cello in Europe. The magical adhesive! What better tool to hang placards, signs, walked out-on checks with? Tape. Been used in kidnappings, hostage situations and taking the lint off your clothes. Tape...cool stuff. But I wanna tell you a story, completely true and funnier than fuck.
It was July 4, 1976. I was a completely rotten 13 y.o. with completely rotten friends, most a few years older. Early morning and Scott Goetz says to me, "We're gonna do something huge!". I told him cool, cool, fine, even though it always got me in trouble. Well, me and Scott walk to the old Giants supermarket and buy two boxes of those old stick matches. We went back home and cut the heads of all those matches; 20 times-20 times two, you do the math.
Now I'm getting curious, but Scott aint talking, just telling me what to do. He pulls out this huge roll of masking tape and pulls off about 15 feet of it , telling me to keep my side taunt. Then he puts two rocks on each end to keep it there. From there hey told me to lay the match heads in an even way while he rolls it up like a cigr and shoves more match heads down the tube.
Let's move on to Scotts brother, Joey. Inquisitive kid, but not the smartest suit on the rack. Riddle me this, how can a kid thats gotten hurt by so many of his brothers stunts not run the other way? Joey was lookin at this 3 footcigar of tightly wound match heads and I think all he was hearing was John Philips Sousa. Poor kid.
We formed a fuse of maybe 10 match heads and Scott decided we had to wait till the sunset. Cool with me cause i was getting nervous anyway.
Well, as soon as the sun set, Scott told me to light the fuse.. I said uh-uh...I don't know what thats gonna do! He goes, i planned this whole thing...nothing bads gonna happen. So i lit the fuse.
Joey was about six feet behind me and didn't see the rear of the rocket set my jeans on fire.i got that out pretty quick but Joey was chasing it's arc in the sky when it exploded. Dumb fucker was still staring at the burning remnants when they hit his hair and clothes. Me and Scott tackled him and drove him into the grass, rolling him. That kid had little hair and no eyebrows left.
becareful of tape Dave.....and this is a true story...my mom was pretty pissed when she saw my jeans.
Alright , Davey, ya made me do it. Tape. Cello in Europe. The magical adhesive! What better tool to hang placards, signs, walked out-on checks with? Tape. Been used in kidnappings, hostage situations and taking the lint off your clothes. Tape...cool stuff. But I wanna tell you a story, completely true and funnier than fuck.
It was July 4, 1976. I was a completely rotten 13 y.o. with completely rotten friends, most a few years older. Early morning and Scott Goetz says to me, "We're gonna do something huge!". I told him cool, cool, fine, even though it always got me in trouble. Well, me and Scott walk to the old Giants supermarket and buy two boxes of those old stick matches. We went back home and cut the heads of all those matches; 20 times-20 times two, you do the math.
Now I'm getting curious, but Scott aint talking, just telling me what to do. He pulls out this huge roll of masking tape and pulls off about 15 feet of it , telling me to keep my side taunt. Then he puts two rocks on each end to keep it there. From there hey told me to lay the match heads in an even way while he rolls it up like a cigr and shoves more match heads down the tube.
Let's move on to Scotts brother, Joey. Inquisitive kid, but not the smartest suit on the rack. Riddle me this, how can a kid thats gotten hurt by so many of his brothers stunts not run the other way? Joey was lookin at this 3 footcigar of tightly wound match heads and I think all he was hearing was John Philips Sousa. Poor kid.
We formed a fuse of maybe 10 match heads and Scott decided we had to wait till the sunset. Cool with me cause i was getting nervous anyway.
Well, as soon as the sun set, Scott told me to light the fuse.. I said uh-uh...I don't know what thats gonna do! He goes, i planned this whole thing...nothing bads gonna happen. So i lit the fuse.
Joey was about six feet behind me and didn't see the rear of the rocket set my jeans on fire.i got that out pretty quick but Joey was chasing it's arc in the sky when it exploded. Dumb fucker was still staring at the burning remnants when they hit his hair and clothes. Me and Scott tackled him and drove him into the grass, rolling him. That kid had little hair and no eyebrows left.
becareful of tape Dave.....and this is a true story...my mom was pretty pissed when she saw my jeans.
posted by adamraisedacain at 7:12 PM
2 Comments:
Thanks darlin, thought i was howlin at the moon again.
Damn you have the best stories ever! There are no better stories than the ones created by being a dumbass kid! I know cuz I was one too :o) You always make me laugh hon.
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